Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
