i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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