GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
