it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
