Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
