He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
