Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
