kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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