he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
