Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
