You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
