Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
