Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
