I can tuck mytits in my pants
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
