dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
