If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
