When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
