I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
