I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
