I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
