so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
