can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
