Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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