the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
