I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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