Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
