It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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