I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My breasts were aching with rage.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
