I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
