I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
