is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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