how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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