he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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