I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
