His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
