Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
