she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
