i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
