Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
