So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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