I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
