It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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