Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
