at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
