I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need moral support for this bender
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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