also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just had sex on a roof
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
