Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
