Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
