This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
