when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
