He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
