I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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